Warranty Card

This  was  actually posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by  an  employee  there who obviously has a sense of humour. The company, of course,  does  not  (have  a sense of humour) - and made the web  department take it down immediately.

    (McDonnell  Douglas  is   one of the world's chief suppliers of military aircraft.)

    *****

   Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In order to  protect  your new investment, please take a few moments to fill out the warranty registration card below.

   Answering the survey questions is not required, but the information will >help us to develop new products that best meet your needs and  desires.

   1.[_] Mr. [_] Mrs. [_] Ms. [_] Miss [_] Lt. [_] Gen. [_] Comrade [_] Classified [_] Other First Name:     .....................................................

   Initial: ........

   Last Name:     .....................................................

   Password: .............................. (max. 8 char)

   Code Name:     ......................................................

   Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ........... ...........

   2. Which model aircraft did you purchase?

    [_] F-14 Tomcat

    [_] F-15 Eagle

    [_] F-16 Falcon

    [_] F-117A Stealth

    [_] Classified

   3.Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): 19....... /....... /......

   4.Serial Number: ...............................................

   5. Please check where this product was purchased:

    [_] Received as gift / aid package

    [_] Catalog showroom

    [_] Independent arms broker

    [_] Mail order

    [_] Discount store

    [_] Government surplus

    [_] Classified

   6.  Please  check  how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas product you have just purchased:

    [_] Heard loud noise, looked up

    [_] Store display

    [_] Espionage

    [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally

    [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer

    [_] Was attacked by one

   7. Please check the three (3) factors that most influenced your decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:

    [_] Style / appearance

    [_] Speed / maneuverability

    [_] Price / value

    [_] Comfort / convenience

    [_] Kickback / bribe

    [_] Recommended by salesperson

    [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation

    [_] Advanced Weapons Systems

    [_] Backroom politics

    [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

   8. Please check the location(s) where this product will be used:

    [_] North America

    [_] Iraq

    [_] Iraq

    [_] Aircraft carrier

    [_] Iraq

    [_] Europe

    [_] Iraq

    [_] Middle East (not Iraq)

    [_] Iraq

    [_] Africa

    [_] Iraq

    [_] Asia / Far East

    [_] Iraq

    [_] Misc. Third World countries

    [_] Iraq

    [_] Classified

    [_] Iraq

   9.  Please  check  the  products  that  you   currently  own or intend to purchase in the near future:

    [_] Colour TV

    [_] VCR

    [_] ICBM

    [_] Killer Satellite

    [_] CD Player

    [_] Air-to-Air Missiles

    [_] Space Shuttle

    [_] Home Computer

    [_] Nuclear Weapon

   10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?

    (Check all that apply:)

    [_] Communist / Socialist

    [_] Terrorist

    [_] Crazed

    [_] Neutral

    [_] Democratic

    [_] Dictatorship

    [_] Corrupt

    [_] Primitive / Tribal

   11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?

    [_] Deficit spending

    [_] Cash

    [_] Suitcases of cocaine 

    [_] Oil revenues 

    [_] Personal check 

    [_] Credit card 

     [_] Ransom money

    [_] Traveller's check

    12. Your occupation:

    [_] Homemaker

    [_] Sales / marketing

    [_] Revolutionary

    [_] Clerical

    [_] Mercenary

    [_] Tyrant 

    [_] Middle management 

    [_] Eccentric billionaire

    [_] Defence Minister / General

    [_] Retired

    [_] Student

   13.  To  help  us understand our customers' lifestyles, please  indicate the   interests   and  activities  in   which  you  and  your  spouse  enjoy participating on a regular basis:

    [_] Golf

    [_] Boating / sailing

    [_] Sabotage

    [_] Running / jogging

    [_] Propaganda / disinformation

    [_] Destabilization / overthrow

    [_] Default on loans

    [_] Gardening

    [_] Crafts

    [_] Black market / smuggling

    [_] Collectibles / collections

    [_] Watching sports on TV

    [_] Wines

    [_] Interrogation / torture

    [_] Household pets

    [_] Crushing rebellions

    [_] Espionage / reconnaissance

    [_] Fashion clothing

    [_] Border disputes

    [_] Mutually Assured Destruction

   Thank  you  for  taking  the  time  to fill out this questionnaire. Your answers  will  be  used  in market studies that will help  McDonnell Douglas serve  you  better  in   the  future  -  as  well as allowing you to receive mailings   and  special offers from other  companies, governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia.

   As  a bonus for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes!

   Comments or suggestions about our fighter planes?

   Please write to:

   McDONNELL DOUGLAS CORPORATION

   Marketing Department

   Military Aerospace Division