Sexist Jokes of Both Sexes:

*What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? -- 45 lb.
*What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? -- 45 min.
*What is it when a man talks nasty to a woman? -- Sexual Harassment
*What is it when a woman talks nasty to a man? -- $3.99 a minute.
*How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but the dishes pile up.
*How can you tell if your husband is dead? -- The sex is the same, but you get the remote.
*What's a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme? -- Humpme Dumpme.
*What's it called when a woman is paralysed from the waist down? -- Marriage
*How many men does it take to change a light bulb? -- None, they just sit there in the dark and complain.
*What's the fastest way to a man's heart? -- Through his chest with a sharp knife.
*What have men and floor tiles got in common? -- If you lay them properly the first time, you can walk all over them for life.
*Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good-looking? -- Because those men already have boyfriends.
*What is a man's view of safe sex? -- A padded headboard.
*How do men sort their laundry? -- "Filthy" and "Filthy but wearable"
*What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog? -- After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.
*What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying? -- The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
*What do you call a smart blonde? -- A golden retriever.
*Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony? -- The guy who can have a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen donuts.
*Who is the most popular woman at the nudist colony? -- The woman who ate the last donut.
*What is the difference between a battery and a woman? -- A battery has a positive side.
*A brunette, a blonde and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the biggest breasts? -- The blonde, because she's 18.
*Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? -- When you take it off you wonder where the breast went.
*Do you know the punishment for bigamy? -- Two mothers-in-law.