If men ruled the world...

- Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.

- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response to "I love you."

- Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.

- When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen.

- Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the ass and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.

- You'd be expected to fill your resume with gag names of people you'd worked for, like "Heywood J'Blowme."

- The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.

- "Sorry I'm late, but I got really wasted last night" would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness.

- At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.

- It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on Horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.

- Tanks would be far easier to rent.

- Garbage would take itself out.

- Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."

- Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years.

- The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers.

- It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you filled itthe following day with a full tank of gas.

- Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.

- When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."

- Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.