Languages of the Sexes....

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

"Yes" = No
"No" = Yes
"Maybe" = No

"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now

"Do what you want" = You'll pay for this later.

"We need to talk" = I need to complain.

"Sure....... ... go ahead" = I don't want you to.

"I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

"Be romantic, turn out the lights" = I have flabby thighs.

"This kitchen is so inconvenient" = I want a new house.

"I want new curtains" = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper...

"I heard a noise" = I noticed you were almost asleep.

"Do you love me?" = I'm going to ask for something expensive

"How much do you love me?" = I did something today you're not going to really like me

"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I'm beautiful.

"You have to learn to communicate" = Just agree with me.

"Are you listening to me?" = [Too late, you're dead.]

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MEN'S ENGLISH:

"I'm hungry" = I'm hungry.
"I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy.
"I'm tired" = I'm tired.

"Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Can I take you out to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you

"Nice dress!" = Nice cleavage!

"You look tense, let me give you a massage" = I want to fondle you

"What's wrong?" = What meaningless self-inflicted psychological trauma are you going through now?

"What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?

"I love you" = Let's have sex now.

"I love you too" = Okay, I said it...we'd better have sex now!

"Let's talk" = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me.

"Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys.

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