WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A GUY!

* A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase
* Bathroom lines are 80% shorter
* We can open all our own jars
* Phone conversations last 30 seconds
* We know useful stuff about tanks and airplanes
* Old friends don't care if we've lost or gained weight
* When surfing channels, we don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying
* Our last name stays put.
* We can leave a hotel room bed unmade.
* We can kill our own food.
* The garage is all ours.
* We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
* We see the humor in "Terms of Endearment".
* We never have to clean the toilet.
* We can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
* If someone forgets to invite us to something, they can still be our friend.
* Our underwear costs $6.50 for a pack of 3.
* None of our co-workers have the power to make us cry.
* We don't have to shave below our neck.
* If we're 34 and single, no one notices.
* Chocolate is just another snack.
* Where and when we pee doesn't effect our emotional well-being.
* We can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
* Flowers & duct tape - and we can fix everything.
* We never have to worry about other's feelings.
* Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
* We can say anything and not worry about what people think.
* We can whip our shirt off on a hot day.
* Car mechanics tell us the truth.
* We don't give a flip if someone doesn't notice our new haircut.
* We can watch a game in silence for hours without our buddy thinking "He must be mad at me."
* One mood, all the time.
* We can admire Clint Eastwood without having to starve ourselves to look like him.
* Same work.  More pay.
* Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
* Wedding dress; $2000, Tux rental; 100 bucks.
* We don't care if someone is talking behind our back.
* We don't pass on the dessert and then mooch off someone else's.
* If we retain water, it is in a canteen.
* The remote is all ours.
* We need not pretend we're "freshening up" to use the bathroom.
* We can go to the bathroom alone.
* If we don't call our buddy when we said we would, he won't
   tell our friends I've changed.
* If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, we might become lifelong buddies.
* The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
* If something mechanical didn't work, we can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room.
* New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
* We think the idea of punting that small, ankle-biting dog is
    funny.  Really funny.