The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more kids
Bad:  You can't find your birth control pills
Ugly: Your daughter borrowed them

Good: Your son studies a lot in his room
Bad:  You find several porn movies hidden there
Ugly: You're in them

Good: Your husband understands fashion
Bad: He's a cross dresser
Ugly: He looks better than you

Good: Your son's finally maturing
Bad: He's involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you

Good: Your having sex
Bad: The dog came in the room and licked your butt
Ugly: You liked it

Good: You give the birds and bees talk to your daughter
Bad:  She keeps interrupting
Ugly: With corrections

Good: Your wife's not talking to you
Bad: She wants a divorce
Ugly: She's a lawyer

Good: The postman's early
Bad:  He's wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
Ugly: You gave him nothing for Christmas

Good:  You decide to get married.
Bad:  You have to pay for the entire wedding.
Ugly: You are getting married to a divorce lawyer.

Good:  You are making out with your girl in a car
       in a dark corner of a public park.
Bad:  A cop car pulls right next to you and switches
       its lights on.
Ugly:  Your girl says, "Oh my god, it's Dad."

Good:  Your wife decides to give you a lap dance for
       your birthday.
Bad:  She moves like a professional.
Ugly:  You tip her a twenty and she looks disappointed.

Good:  Your teenage daughter comes to you for advice.
Bad:  About sexual positions.
Ugly:  Involving more than one partner.

Good:  Your daughter writes home from Hollywood saying
       she made it into the movies.
Bad: As an extra.
Ugly:  You find the movie in the backroom in an adult
       video store.