Ben's Rules of Life

The following are a few rules, which I choose to live by instead of following a mainstream religion. I feel that these rules will let some break the oppression that is inherited religious beliefs and anyone can follow these as there are no ritual massacres or painful initiation ceremonies to perform. Anyone is able to use these [I do not care but please do not change these rules or modify them and put them on your own page because if you do read them all you will see one that will kick you in the ass] if they want as some don’t like the religion under which they were conceived. Also please note that these are my rules, not Aaron's. He does not necessarily believe or follow any of these rules so please spare in any prejudice harassment.

Never get into an intimate relationship with someone who bites.

Always use tools for the job they were designed to perform.

Never buy ergonomic keyboards.

Always tip [except at the Hilton].

Never take a loved one to Sizzler as it usually results in someone vomiting.

Always drive a slow car to its limits.

Never buy cheap pens.

Always buy AUTHENTIC Australian camouflage clothes not the crap American stuff

Own a hootchie [military tent]

Always leave a sleeping cat

Always be optimistic

Never have sex when you are recovering from surgery

Try to be like Sean Connerry as he is so suave and besides, he’s the original James Bond

Try sushi at least once

Appreciate the military no matter how poorly equipped it is

Never ride a bike without shoes on

Always get sweet, sweet revenge

Be good to your family, no matter how much they hate you

Never have warm coke after an ice cream

Avoid eating burnt meat

Leave your computer on all the time

Try to buy shoes that are comfortable, not shoes that look good

Never use a spork or a quadge

Avoid going to GPs [they are dumb fucks] see specialist doctors

Never have sex on the first date

Stealing is bad but only if you steal from a small store

Take pride in you appearance

Enjoy music but make sure whatever it is, that it’s fucking loud

Never eat reheated chicken

Have a ridiculously hot shower every now and again

Once in a while buy a kebab with no salad, just the meat

Never play techno on the stereo during a long interstate drive

Always try to take a parent’s car on the freeway when stoned

Never buy key operated padlocks, always buy combination locks

Hug someone every day [not strangers]

Never kiss your partner in front of their relatives

Don’t be afraid of growling dogs, just stand your ground

Never get toast out of the toaster with a metal object

Refrain from purchasing any printer that requires that fucked up fax paper

NEVER PIERCE YOUR GENITALS

Never drive when on acid

Try to make out on an amusement ride [like the gravitron, haha]

Never cheat when playing monopoly

Vacuum your floor every once in a while

Avoid buying zipper fly pants, button fly is less risky

Try to break into your own house every once in a while

Always help others but only for the right reasons

Never seek professional help as they only tell you what you want to hear

Always have an alias or two

Always perform oral at least once during sex

Never leave home without your keys

Always keep a picture of your partner hidden between your library card and your video card

Never say, "I love you" during sex, it cheapens you and leaves you vulnerable

All will pay for all they do, it is only a matter of time

Never climb dead trees

Never do heroin, EVER

Abuse phone sex ladies

Always duck when detonating bombs, no matter how far away you are

Help old people

Kill but only if absolutely necessary

Never vote liberal or one nation

Morphine is the nectar of the gods

Never become an obsessive or extremist person

Never buy goldfish

Avoid stairs when intoxicated

Go to a planet Hollywood at least once in your life

Never take photos during sex, as the people at the developing outlet will steal your pictures

Always leave the toilet seat lid down

Find a song that makes you feel good and play it once a day

Never buy or wear vinyl pants

DarkCloud@angelfire.com